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To Bryan
What is it exactly that a person to another? Here I am thinking about you again and I still can't figure out why...You have left my life again without a goodbye, this is twice that I have looked over my shoulder as I drove away and you offered me your beautiful smile and then again two more times before that. It seems that fate should have it that I can't keep you and in this bittersweet world of disappointing sorrow I understand. Life is what it is... Somehow this time it felt different and yet agonizingly the same.. years still wasn't enough. Its like I already knew you didn't want to talk to me again this time yet I still feel that my chest is hallow when we are apart. Its weeks later again and I still can't manage to take a breath. Years have passed now... I moved on, did the honorable thing, the right thing for everyone. Except I lost myself. I don't know how to be carefree anymore...you know that can't wipe a smile off your face day...and God knows I am blessed but I still can't rise above these feelings of longing. It seems that I will forever miss gazing into those hazel eyes. You have broke me forever. Everything reminds me and nothing unbinds me. I still can't believe you took your things and ran and then made me out to be the bad person to everyone that surrounded you when I tried to climb out of hell ON MY OWN. You were all I had and you bad mouthed me because I tried to find someone to love me....which was agreeably stupid in the long wrong but I was to fucked up to care. I ask God to tell her mom to be with you guys and help me forget about you...I want you to be happy and Im sure that after years with her you are. But, I also want to feel sane and not feel such a longing, such a deep connection to what I feel we have. Just tell me its in my head...that I cling to grandeur illusions of love that don't exist. Love doesn't hold true forever just look at the world. Tell me it was a lie....Tell me something... This probably isn't for you since the man I am writing this to has a life and a love. So unless your timeline matches, don't bug me. I've obviously got enough issues.